If Adults Acted Like Toddlers: An Alternate Dystopian Universe

When my son was a toddler, my mom would often observe his behavior and comment amusingly, “What if grown-ups acted like toddlers? What if we just threw our cup on the floor when we were done drinking, as if it were a legitimate way to communicate, ‘I am done with this beverage.’?”

It got me thinking: what if grown-ups did, in fact, act like those tiny, messy, stubborn, impulsive humans we call toddlers…and that it was actually acceptable to society?

Just imagine if no one thought twice when we grown folk:

  1. Proudly exited the bathroom exclaiming, “Look what I did!”
  2. Got rewarded for eating our food; can you imagine getting a cookie for finishing your Chick-fil-A, as if it was actually a chore to eat those yummy nugs?
  3. Upon receiving a gift—despite being in the presence of the gift-giver—continued to dig in the bag, asking out loud, “Is that all?!”
  4. Got praised for napping mid-day, rather than being categorized as a “couch potato”

5. When dining at a friend’s house, spit out any food you did not like while exclaiming, “Gross! Get it off my plate!” in front of the cook/host

6. When your spouse turned off “The Bachelorette” and switched on their favorite show, threw yourself on the ground while emitting blood curdling screams

7. Freely expressed all your thoughts as walking through Wal-Mart: “That man has a big belly!” or “She has blue hair!”

8. When you saw someone you didn’t expect to see at a party, bluntly asked, “What are you doing here?!”

9. Received prizes for pee-peeing in the potty; I would have earned so many M&Ms while pregnant!

10. Demanded a bite of whatever snack anyone around you was eating…and stood in front of them and whined until they obliged

11. Bit the hand that feeds you (both literally and figuratively)

12. Went streaking through the house regularly, regardless of if company is over or not

13. When you didn’t want to do something, you simply didn’t do it; no explanation necessary!

14. Didn’t quiet your bodily noises just because someone else was in the room with you…and followed them up with a giggly, “I tooted!”

15. Posted a selfie shoving desserts into your mouth…and waited while people most certainly would comment, “Adorable!”

On second thought, I don’t like imagining this alternate (nightmarish) reality. I think we can all agree that we better leave the toddler-ing to the toddlers!

All photos in this post by Madison Stilson

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Madison Stilson
Madison is a Louisiana native who recently moved to with her family to Harmony, a small town in the Pittsburgh suburbs. Madison studied Elementary Grades Education at LSU after which she taught elementary school in Baton Rouge. She is now a stay-at-home mom who enjoys watching “Blippi” and tripping over Hot Wheels that her son Matthew leaves all over the floor. She has an affinity for all things organization; a new planner, label maker, or cubby is like Christmas morning to her. She is often guilty of staying up well past her bedtime reading library books on her Kindle or watching Lifetime Christmas movies. Madison has struggled with chronic health issues for the better part of a decade and is constantly working toward improving her health. She enjoys connecting with other mamas and appreciates the creative outlet that writing provides her.