I saw this reel today, an in it the poster had writen a song about how she, as a mother, had done, thought about, and planned a hundred things for her family that morning. Then that afternoon, she and her husband both took the kids to the park where someone committed that her husband was “such a good dad”. It made her want to scream. I thought “YES! YES! YES!”
When I had my boys (now 6 and 7) I was the family bread-winner. So I went back to work and my husband stayed home with the kids. He would regularly tell me how total strangers would come up to him at the store, the doctor’s office, the park, and tell him he was, “so good with the boys” or “doing such a great job.”
Now, I have been a stay at home mom. I have been a working mom. I have been a single mom. I have taken my children to the grocery store, the doctor, the park at all ages. I do not recall a single stranger ever telling me I was doing a good job. I don’t think I have gone to a single doctor’s appointment where they commented on “how good I was” with my own children. This is just not a thing in a mom’s world. We are just expected to Mom Up, and know what to do.
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the fact that I have a husband that is involved with his kids, (Except when we disagree on something about the kids, then I wish he was a little less involved so I could do what I want, but that’s a different blog post!) And I appreciate that he goes to the grocery store, and changed diapers, and went to pediatrician’s appointments. Why, though, is the parenting bar so much lower for dads?
Not that dads shouldn’t hear they are doing a great job. Many of them are. Why as women, and fellow moms, are we programmed to compare ourselves to other moms, instead of complementing, and supporting each other? I mean, I know why. I took women’s studies in college. But, it’s dumb, and we need to knock it off!
It takes a village and strong women raise strong women, and all that stuff. We need to cut ourselves and the moms around us some slack.
We need to say: ‘I see you, Momma. I’m rooting for you.’
I see you sacrificing your sanity, your body, your sleep, and your needs for the sake of your kids. I see you showing up even though you’re tired. I see you patiently trying to rationalize with that crazy 3-year-old about NOT eating that candy they found on the sidewalk. I see you trying to grocery shop while your children continue to yell “can we get.. look mommy… I want….” I see you and you’re doing GREAT! You are a fantastic Momma! You are a strong and beautiful person!
Let’s go out there and share the love! Tell that defeated looking mom in front of you in the Target check out line, how great she’s doing.
