An open letter to my husband after five years of marriage


Well, we have officially made one whole hand of marriage.  Looking back over the past five years, I humbly smile thinking about how far we have come and how much we have accomplished. 

I also silently reflect thinking about friends and people we know who never made it to this milestone in their own marriages.  Why have we succeeded?  What makes us any different?  Why does it work for some people but not for others?  Will we be lucky enough to make it another five?

Most of these questions I do not have an answer.  However, for us, our marriage works or is made to last because of the foundation we have built starting with the two of us.  Here is a list of five reasons why our marriage has endured the past half-decade. 

  1. We are a team. Teammates have one another’s backs when they are on the playing field.  In our own lives, the playing field references dinner time or whoever is on bedtime duty.  While at times, we do not always see eye-to-eye, overall, we carry one another through the game.  We learned early on in our marriage prep courses, that if you are on the same team there can’t be a “winner.”  I believe that we have lived by this mentality in our marriage thus far. 

  1. Whether or not I have vocalized this to you, I feel supported in any decision I make. I pray that you, too, feel supported in your life decisions.  While it’s important to express concerns and questions, ultimately each other’s happiness is most important.  When it came time for me to step away from my career to take care of our children, you supported me.  When I wanted to go back to school to obtain a Master’s Degree, you supported me.  That time I wanted to dress our entire family like Clark Kent for Halloween, you supported me.  I also support you in your life decisions. 

  1. People think the grass is greener on the other side. Flaws in our actions, dialogue, and personalities can definitely cause people to stray away from their marriages.  We know that we each have flaws.  Over the past five years, we have both admitted to our faults, and try to grow from them.  You are unable to change someone.  However, you are able to change yourself to become a better person, a better spouse, and a better parent.  That is what both of us continue to do through our own journey.  People spend their entire lives in the game of trying to change someone else.  We understand that is not how it works.  I vow to you I will continue to turn the water off when I’m brushing my teeth, and I hope you can vow to me to place your dirty clothes in the hamper and not on it. 


  1. Time is of the essence. Like most parents, very little time is spent with one another. Especially quality time.  Our marriage is special because both of us make time for each other and hold on to what time we do get.  I know I personally look at you in a different light when it’s just the two of us.  I see the young man I fell in love with eight years ago.  I see someone that has never judged me and has always supported me.  I see the guy that makes me feel like the most special girl in the world.  Those precious moments we get when it’s just the two of us rejuvenate my initial feelings of butterflies and attraction towards you, and I fall in love all over again.

  1. Both of us admire the other person. There have been countless times where you have come to me telling me how you admire me as a wife, mother, student, and teacher.  Once the kids are asleep and I pull out my computer to type a paper or complete a discussion post, you don’t know how you give me the will power to move forward when you tell me how proud you are of me.  I, too, am proud of you.  You work so hard to support our family.  Our children have an excellent role model in you.  You strive to be the best for your family, and for this I am eternally grateful. 


Surely, my list could go on and forever be a running record of why we work.  I am thankful each day to have another day as your wife. 


Cheers to another five!

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Ashli Detweiler
Ashli is a Fayette County native but made the leap to Allegheny County in 2013. She married a man named Jarred that she met randomly at a Toby Keith concert at KeyBank Pavilion. Seven years later, they have shared four blissful years of marriage and have welcomed three children into their homes; their oldest- a black rescue lab named Fiona, a sweet toddler boy named Collins, and a precious baby girl named Carmie. Ashli and her clan live in the South Hills, but more importantly five short minutes to Target where she enjoys quiet weekend strolls through the aisles. Extra bonus points are added when she stumbles upon something she doesn’t need, but has to purchase because it has the red clearance sticker on it. Ashli is currently working on obtaining her Master’s degree in STEM Education. Ashli is passionate about working with children, and is a fifth-grade teacher presently on maternity leave. Last January, Kristine Sorensen from KDKA interviewed Ashli because she was nominated as a top Peer Mentor for the students in her district. While away from the classroom this year to take care of her own sweet babies, she receives weekly FaceTime calls from former students that need a pep talk. Ashli’s goal in life is to change the lives of students that have ventured onto that wrong path in life, and do everything she can to get them back on the right one.