When I found out I was pregnant, the first thing I did was calculate my due date. My spring baby was to arrive early March. Planning isn’t really my thing, but I did know I was really hoping to avoid a December due date, because it was just not convenient for me. Life was too crazy during the holiday season, so why add a birthday into the mix. So when did my spring baby arrive you ask? Christmas Eve. Yes, at 29.5 weeks weighing 2lbs 11oz.
After 53 days in the NICU, I am going to share just a few things NICU parents will need to know .
- You have permission. Rules of new parenthood go out the window when you’re NICU parents. People will congratulate you and celebrate your new baby arriving. However, depending on how early your baby is, this may be far from a celebration for you. You have permission to grieve the time lost. You have permission to escape the 4 walls and eat lunch away from the beeping. You have permission to close your eyes and rest your mind. You have permission to go get real coffee and not hospital coffee. There will be many expectations placed on you whether you know it or not. You have permission to just be.
- Speak up. Be prepared to earn an honorary medical degree over night. Some NICU stays are extensive and some are very temporary. Whatever your case may be, expect to have rounds of Dr discussing your baby’s health. Find a nurse that you click with and become their friend. Ask questions. If you don’t understand something ask again. Don’t assume everyone is on the same page. You are the core to your babies health and you are the go to for everything. Keep asking questions until you can repeat it back in your sleep. If you’re not a medical priority in the NICU, be thankful, but never settle to not understand what’s going on. Speak up!
- Take pictures. You might not believe it now, but one day you’ll want to look back on the time spent here. The memory will never leave and the scent of hand-sanitizer might send you into a down world spiral back into the room overlooking your tiny preemie, however, you might forget little details. One day your baby will be grown and may be towering over you. You’ll never believe it was possible that there was a time they fit comfortably in your hand. My son was 2lbs 11 ounces when he was born. I remember about a year later, I picked up a jar of jelly beans that weighed more than he did and it seemed surreal. Every victory is worth documenting and every inch stone is worth celebrating. You may not want to celebrate now, but there will be a day you’ll want to celebrate how far you’ve come.
- Select your social. It’s no secret that comparison is the thief of joy. Your road is different than the typical, and its far from the perfect Pinterest moment. It was 10 days before I got to hold my first born for the first time. Watching new moms snuggle their newborns was a new level of gut wrenching. Seeing pictures on social media of people leaving the hospital days after delivering, was not good for my mental state. Be selective on where you let your mind wonder. There can be a lot of downtime in the NICU. Don’t spend your time throwing salt in the wound. Find people you can be honest with and find people that can relate to you. There’s lots of social media groups that have walked in your shoes ( and slept in the NICU chairs). Never hesitate to reach out to them.
- Be in the moment. Thankfully nothing lasts forever. If you try to think about all the “what if’s” and the “could be’s” that your post NICU life will have, your head will spin. Take a deep breaths, things will be ok.
One last thing I want to add, that I get asked quite frequently, is how can you help. Here are 5 Quick “gifts” for those watching as an outsider and how you can help someone who is not only a new parent, but a NICU parent.
- Gift of coffee. Coffee gift cards are liquid hugs
- Gift of time. It’s easy to feel alone, a quick text or check in is huge… not expecting a reply is even better.
- Gift of help. Small daily tasks easily get forgotten (laundry, dishes and a quick sweep of the vacuum are not. Small. Gifts. They are huge.)
- Gift of mail. Send a card, NICU parents get lots of bills.
- Gift of food. Hospital food is expensive and days are long. Dropping dinner off without needing to stay or having dinner delivered is one of the best gifts ever given.
